Attracting Women can be even easier with facebook – or very hard.
Attracting women seemed a bit more straight forward pre facebook. Once upon a time you had to wait after a first date to call her or wait till she calls you. Facebook and social media brings up a whole new world of opportunity. Given out a poke or attempting to add as a friend straight after the date. Will she appreciate it or think you must be a stalker.
The Daily Mail reported on a 2104 survey that showed that 48% of women checked out their date’s facebook profile prior to the date. It also identified that while you sued to have to wait 3 days to call to not look to anxious to get a second date. Social media means you can action it a lot quicker without looking needy. But there are still some rules around how to make the first post date move.
Pre social media (soooo long ago) you would sometimes hear people having an argument over a phone but now you, along with a few hundred of your and their ‘friends’ can see the explosion in writing on facebook. It is not just facebook though most of the rules below apply to any social media. I am not sure when invented they understood the impact this technology would have on peoples relationships or maybe they did?
Relationship Status – When Do I Change it?
This is a biggee that seems difficult to resolve. But it is not. The biggest response is to keep your status single until you have agreed it is a real permanent thing. This can be whether it is getting in or out of the relationship. Jumping the gun can be a bit embarrassing for all parties. So just chill and think it through and make sure the issue of relationship is resolved.
Stalking is BAD
It really should go without saying but there is a difference between showing her you like her and stalking her on line. So you want to do a little research and check out what she likes? Music, restaurants, clothes etc etc. That’s good and gives you something to discuss. This does not however mean you like everything she likes. Nor do you try and contact or follow her friends and family. This contact has to grow slowly as you meet and know them unless they start contacting you or you discuss it with your new girlfriend.
You do not need to like every single photo and comment she likes. Would you ring her up every 10 minutes to tell her how great she is? (I hope not) Well don’t like everything.
Doing this is considered stalking and will not only not get you a next date it is likely to get you defriended. Yes it is creepy behaviour so just chill she will get the vibe you like her. Selectively like a few things that you genuinely think are great about her. She will know what you are doing.
The Ex Issue
Can you remain friends with the ex on facebook. Well this can depend. If you have kids with them maybe it’s a good thing. But you should not be following and commenting on her/their every move if you want a new relationship. Check out our Friendship article for more info on if and when you should remain friends with your ex.
Importantly if your relationship with you ex ended badly everyone doesn’t need to know that, especially any potential new partner. The warning radar will go up if you plaster bad things about your ex on facebook. You should not be discussing on there what she was like in bed, that she had anger issues, she was a spendaholic or whatever. She will be thinking ‘will the same thing happen to me if it all goes wrong’?
Show you have moved on and you are chilled about past relationships if you want to get a new relationship going.
Then there is the conversation with the ex. If you are still friends she may still be thinking we will get back together soon. Probably good to let her know you have met someone and will be changing your relationship status soon.
Chatting is not dating
You can chat on line for ages and its easy and its in your comfort zone. You can seemingly build a relationship without meeting. All in the comfort of you home or on the phone while at work. This is not a great long term plan though. Meet and check out the chemistry. Move it off line if you think there is a good vibe. Sure if she is in another state or country facebook makes it easy to keep in contact. But make a move and catch up as soon as is reasonable.
Facebook Status is not a weapon.
Having an argument so you change your facebook status? Not good. You may have been the victim of this approach before and would know it’s not a good feeling. As mentioned earlier your status is about a definite agreed relationship either starting or finishing. It is not something that should be changed whenever you feel angry or frisky.
Constantly changing status really just shows you have poor communication skills. It does show that one or both of you really have not grown up yet. So think about it before you tell 500 people your status is always changing.
Arguing Via Facebook….NO
You can argue in private here so not as obvious to everyone there is an issue but.. It is not good. Again it just shows poor communication skills. Everyone at same stage has been tempted to set off a rocket with an email or message on facebook but hold fire. It is very black and white and can look even worse than you mean it. Social media is called that for a reason it is meant to be social using it to get an issue off your chest is not a great plan and is unsocial when a discussion with your partner would be a lot more effective.
Too much information
Had a first date and it seriously rocked? You hit it off so well. You come home and zap out the whole date and your thoughts about it on facebook. Even better you cannot even wait to get home pull out the phone and start tapping away. How hot she was, how good the date was, those legs omg, how you killed it and you’r seriously in love. Hmmmm
If you want to get to second date or have some credibility with friends maybe chill a bit. You do not want to seem desperate or a bit creepy. Check and see what your date thought about the date. Give a few pointers if all seems good that the date went well. But keep the details minimal. Plenty of time if you really did hit it off to tell and show the world.
Those old photos…
You have just spent a good deal of time getting yourself looking pretty good for the date. Hair done, nicely shave, clothes all clean and pressed. Overall you’re looking pretty sharp. You feel confident and ready to make a good impression.
Maybe you should have untagged some of your photo’s that seemed like a good idea at the time. You know the ones you looking drunk in the toilet. Then there are those inane comments you put on in the early hours of the morning about loving your mates and talking about the girls you saw and what you did, or wanted to do.
The problem here? Well she has probably checked out your facebook and suddenly you are a long way behind the eightball before you start.
Getting serious on the dating scene? This means checking out your social media posts, likes and pics and tidying them up.
Bringing it All Together
Seriously it is not rocket science. If you want to make a good impression then you can be funny and a little on the edge on facebook. But you also need to think about what impression you will make when a girl checks out your facebook. Would you show your mum?
You don’t need to tell the world everything about yourself just because you can. A little mystery is part of the attraction in a new relationship. Learning about the other person is a bit like unwrapping a new present. You have an idea whats there but as you unwrap it wow it gets even more exciting. When you meet up you will still have lots to learn about each other, it will keep the discussion going and you get to show her more and more about you. It is part of the fun of a new relationship.
You sometimes feel hidden on facebook that it’s not quite real. A poke here, a put down here and there. Things you would probably not do to someone’s face so why do it here? The thing here it is all in black and white. It can be easily misconstrued.
Common courtesy and common sense go a long way whether you are online or offline. You can make facebook, or any of the social media options one big promo of what a great guy you are. Keep it real and reflect your personality and likes and dislikes. But be seen as a positive guy. Not rude, desperate or needy.
Get it right and life off line will be even better than on line.
I hope you get the idea that while this article references facebook the rules apply to all social media.
Do not forget to tell us how your dating life is going and if these rules helped you out.