How to get a girlfriend indeed that second date even. You were pretty cool as your chatted your way into getting that first date, then when she said yes and the date looms well….. You are normally pretty chilled when just casually socialising with guys or girls, it seems to come pretty naturally. Suddenly though the first date looms. Hmmm seems a lot harder.
At the date you will be one on one and if she is as good as you think, you know you will seriously want that second date. All your smooth talking suddenly seems a lot harder, you know you have to deliver on the first date. But relax a little. Don’t stress yourself out. Check out these tips below. Once you have read the guide below, take it in, prepare and then relax. You can hit the first date home run if you follow these simple guidelines.
Keep it in your style and simple.
Nearly every first date is going to be at least a little bit awkward. By keeping the date simple you can reduce the awkwardness from your side. To help reduce awkwardness make the date somewhere that’s in your style and comfort zone. No need to overthink it. This doesn’t mean taking her to your favourite bar where you will be distracted by lots of people you know. You do not want somewhere where there will be many interruptions from people you know.
By taking the date in your comfort zone it will be much easier to plan and you will be able to come across as being an expert. All this means is you will be much more likely to come across as confident and in control. Most women will love that and find it attractive. Eharmony confirmed that women love confidence, but not the tough or domineering type of confidence. Most women want guys with a quiet confidence. Self confidence is much easier when you are in your comfort zone. You might be thinking a lot how to get a girlfriend but focus now on a great second date. Your online dating profile was good but this is where you need to live up to it all :-).
Keep it fun
Chances are she is just as nervous as you so you want to make sure you bring a little fun into the date. Now everyone’s definition of fun is different so you need to have done a little research. If you have been chatting online then you should have an idea of what she might enjoy. more opportunity if the date was arranged through friends then ask your friends what she is into and/or check her social media.
Yes, you can take the lead in planning and implementing the date. As long as its done in a confident, friendly manner that has clearly taken into account her interests you will win points for it. Most people are very comfortable with another person taking the lead if they have confidence in them and that starts by making sure you feel confident in yourself. Check out our free e book ‘self confidence with women‘. Download it if you have not already done so and think you still need a bit more work on your self-confidence. Just as you are thinking how to get a girlfriend she is wondering how far this will go.
Fun can be a risk but….
By having fun you may risk things going a little off track but that’s part of the fun. Great memories can be made in the instant when it goes wrong, you just need too smoothly recover and if planned out there will not be any significant problems. When I am involved in something going wrong I always equate it with holiday disasters. Sometimes on a holiday you have moments where it all goes wrong. But when you look back those can be the moments you remember from the holiday and laugh at. Like wise this date could be the start of some great memories. Life is about the moments not the days.
Yes, manners count
Sure there are equal rights but everyone wants to be treated with respect so manners will never go out of fashion. To get to the second date your date will want to know you can be a gentleman. If you are just having a coffee or drinks, not necessarily recommended as a fun date by the way, then make sure she is comfortable with the chosen table. Think about her when ordering a second round of drinks. Check to make sure whether she wants that’s same again or something different. Maybe she just wants a glass of water, maybe she wants something a whole lot stronger.
I remember one date that almost went in the reverse to a ‘normal’ date where we started with a quiet coffee and ended with too much champagne and a great and late night out. You have to live the moment and be flexible in where the date goes. It is important to never assume the date will go in a certain way, sure sometimes it will go to plan, especially when you have chatted for a fair while on line or already know her. But you need to think through a few different directions the date could take and how you will manage different scenarios.
Part of being a gentleman is how you present yourself. Make sure your grooming and clothing reflect the fact that you have respect for your date. Your clothes should also reflect your personality and be consistent with wherever you are having the date. Dirty shorts, flipflops and a singlet, probably not a great look. A suit and tie, probably not appropriate either unless maybe you are off to the opera. Just make sure you look clean, neat and show you have tried. If you want to know how to get a girlfriend manners are important.
Body language is important
Yes body language is important and one of the most important parts of body language is eye contact. Forbes Magazine had an article on the importance of eye contact. A small part of this article is summed up in this paragraph.
‘greater eye contact, especially in intervals lasting four to five seconds, almost always leads to greater liking. As long as people are looking at us, we believe we have their interest. If they meet our gaze more than two-thirds of the time, we sense that they find us appealing or fascinating’.
In short if you want to build her trust and liking of you, keep good eye contact. Do not just stare at her, as that’s a little creepy, but keep regular eye contact. Make sure you do not turn it into a staring contest.
Don’t be creepy
While the eye contact is very important we are bombarded with body language experts and some people think they can interpret your thoughts based on your every body movement. Folding arms, leaning back, leaning forward. Do I shake her hand or kiss on the cheek when you meet and when we part? Well you have to do what comes natural or you will worry too much about your body language you will not be focused on her.
There are a few basics however. Do not scan her up and down several times while chatting or stare down her front. Yes focus on her conversation. Do not be busy checking out other women or answering texts about the date from your mates. Just be courteous and engaged.
Details do matter
As per the earlier discussions above you must take care of the details. But beyond managing where and what the date is you should put in a few little surprises. The little things can really matter and will ensure your time together sticks in her mind. Once you have met check she is all good to get home, know where you can get a cab nearby or call a cab. You can even offer a ride yourself.
Flowers always is a winner but can be a bit awkward to hold onto through the date. Finding an alternative to flowers would be great. Something small but thoughtful based on what you know about her before the date, maybe you can keep it until you are about to part. This shows you haven’t just bought the flowers and given to her as you meet but have thought about it, had the date, and liked her enough to say ‘hey loved our time together, here is a little thank you for your time’. Don’t use your top pick up lines here. Keep it real and keep it simple.
Keeping the conversations going must be balanced. You need to take care not to make it seem like an interrogation as you find out every detail about her life. Equally you can not sit there telling her all about you and seem to ignore any thoughts or questions she has.
Let the conversation flow so each of you learns about the other. The flow of the conversation lets you learn more about her passions and interests than any direct questioning will do. But do prepare some conversation starters. Read our how to attract women article for a few tips.
One of the big issues in modern dating is who pays. The gentleman in you says you should pay. This is especially true if you asked her out. There is no easy answer though and you have to play by intuition. If you offer to pay and she does offer to split the bill then you can be seen as old fashioned and stuck in the past if you override her request. You need to judge the moment from the knowledge you have of her, especially her manner as she offers to split the bill. If you think she is just being polite by offering you could just respond by saying ‘well I asked you out so happy to pay’. I have always been comfortable paying the first date but usually accepted their contribution where they have clearly and genuinely wanted to pay their share.
There was one date i remember where my date deliberately stood back as the bill was provided. I thought it a little strange as she almost overacted. We met again and she insisted on paying and laughed as she said she was just testing me to see if I was a gentleman.
So you have got over the initial awkwardness of first contact, conversation flowed well, had some fun, have decided who pays and how she is getting home. Basically you had a great date. So what’s next? Ask for a second date?
There are no right answers on how to go about what happens after the date. You have to rely on your instinct for how she felt. I have been through all end of date scenarios its all about the chemistry between you. But it can be easily misread. I have had dates where I thought didn’t go well and they were very keen. Others went so well but I never got that second date. If you really like her, even if you didn’t think it went that well, its worth asking her.
Do not be too specific.
Personally I like to separate on a vague agreement to catch up. This puts no pressure on either party and you can go and think about what’s next. After you have separated and had time to review the date think about your next step. If you did really enjoy the time with her and you know you definitely want more then why not contact her pretty soon and see if she is also keen. Perhaps wait at least until the next day though.
Who knows if the chemistry is there you could offer to drop her home and be asked in for coffee or she may never want to see you again, even after you read all these great dating tips.
Bringing it all together
The first date is all about you showing your like her and that you are a considerate guy. You want to make her feel that she is number one in your world and that when with you she will be appreciated and have a lot of fun. Taking care of the little details and helping her have fun along the way will make her want to know more. Who knows where that may lead…