How to get a girlfriend is a big challenge sometimes. Its hard being that guy, always seen as ‘being there’, a great friend, but somehow never the one. When is the time to make that move to get out of the friend zone and what is that move?
In an article in Psychology Today the problem of being in the friend zone is identified as being where one party wants a whole lot more but the other is comfortable just as it is. In fact, the party who is comfortable as is may not even be aware that one party wants to move out of the friend’s zone.
Don’t stay stuck is the main advice we can give. If you never make a move it will never change. I have been a great friend and not made a move and suddenly bang she goes off and gets engaged. She never knowing my true feelings and I was left to grin and bear it. Great wedding! Not. Well, fortunately there was one particularly cute maid of honor…..
Anyway the key is to review the options below and grab one or maybe even combine a few that you think will work and go for it. Good luck and let us know how you go. Sometimes you just need some more self confidence. Try this free e-book on Self Confidence with Women.
Tell her you need change.
Yes you need to let her know that you really would like to change how the friendships works. You seriously need to open up the discussion on what is happening and that you really think the friendship is great but its gone way beyond friendship for you, it’s the whole deal you want. She will likely be flattered that you think this way. She may actually have been feeling the same way but not sure about loosing your friendship by wanting more. Let her know she can have it all.
You can be taken for granted. She calls up, you are always there for her and drop everything to help her out, her go to friend. Sometimes to get the love you need to show a little less interest. Amazing but true.
The theory of decreasing your interest to raise her interest was put forward in 1938 by Willard Wallace. He called the theory ‘the least interest principle’. He developed this theory after a study of human relationships as part of his work in psychology. The conclusion he came to was that one way to gain power in a relationship was to withhold love. As detailed in changingminds.org ‘the person who has the least interest in continuing the relationship (i.e. has the best walk-away strategy) has the greatest power’.
If suddenly you do not respond with full concern and willingness to do whatever asked, wherever asked, she may realise how much she has come to rely on you. She will start to look at you differently. Your value will suddenly go up faster than the price of oil in an oil shortage.
Can’t find you.
Yes this one is similar to the less interest option but probably takes it further. She simply can’t find you when she needs you. It may kill you not to answer the phone, or text and wow don’t even look at her facebook page. This is a simple concept of supply and demand. In the article in ThoughtCatalogue.com they discuss the stages of wanting someone you cannot have.
Check out where you are in the stages and take action to rectify it. If you never try you never know. Try the ‘can’t find you’ approach, see what happens. Knowing these tips on how to get a girlfriend should help you.
Competition could seal the deal.
Another way to ramp up the ‘get to know what she is missing approach’ is by introducing a little competition. If she is keen on you being in the romantic zone she will be a little miffed, to say the least, if she suddenly sees she may have competition for the romantic place in your heart. If you are becoming busy with others, and they are female, then that just adds to the ‘least interest principal’.
This also works in with the principal called social proof. This is summarised in an article in PhyscologicalNotesHQ.com. This article identifies that people like to confirm with social principals. In this case if you are suddenly seeing lots of other women, even as friends, and maybe even posting on their walls then suddenly to her that is ‘social proof’ that you are actively seeking another woman. Action from her will be required, you may see she suddenly makes the move to change up the friendship a step or two.
Are you a valuable asset to your friend? Let her invest in you.
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” This was said by Benjamin Franklin and has shown to be true in many psychological experiments. The matter is discussed in detail in brainpickings.com.
This theory shows that having someone invest positively in you will encourage even more positive actions from them. It will make them see you in an even better light. This could be a great way to move from friend zone to romantic interest. It is the secret on how to get a girlfriend.
This strategy may be a slightly slower speed than the others but can be just as effective in a slightly longer period of time. It has the upside of all being positive in its approach. There may not be instant romance but you will be getting her more and more invested in you until the move from friendship to partner is a very small and logical step.
Asking something as simple as getting her to help with some advice on rearrange your furniture can be effective. This shows you want and trust her judgement and only asking for a bit of her time with no financial investment. Then every time she comes over she will think of how good the room looks with the way she set the furniture.
Bringing it All Together
The advice is all about encouraging her to change her view of you using the emotional tools at your disposal. Ensuring she realises the importance of having you in her life and the investment she has already made. It may mean some short term strength required on your part as you choose to help her realise your importance to her. Not answering, chatting to other girls, or saying sorry can’t help you today can be painful for you. I know you really want to help her out in every way. But the long term goal is the important part.
Like all the advice on this site the critical matter is to take action. If you are in the friend zone and let it linger there, nothing will change. Review the strategies and use what you think will work best but do not procrastinate. Plan you approach and do it now. This advice shows you how to get a girlfriend so you have no excuse.
Look forward to hearing your success stories.
You can be a dating hero.