Online dating can find you a woman but is she girlfriend material?
Online dating goes in the bin once you find the right lady. How do I know is she is girlfriend material is a question single guys ask themselves pretty often. What you are looking for in a girlfriend may change over time. However there are some simple basics that must be met if you seriously want to be sharing your time with a great girl. Do not regret not seizing the moment down the track.
Part of the factoring is looking at yourself. Do you choose the same type and keep failing? Have your girlfriends been good for you or just good looking? Do you have a pattern with your exes ie about the looks, money, popularity or whatever and not the person? If yes then you may want to try and break that pattern if you want a relationship that lasts a bit longer. You have been online dating for a while but you just are not motivated now you have met her.
Keep it simple
This simple checklist list can become a bit of a guide when you are looking at moving your relationship up a notch. Go from a flirt or just hanging out now and again to a relationship. Maybe it is time to get a bit serious but you must make sure its going to work. I have found there are a few things you should think about when considering whether you should take this one beyond the friend or flirt zone.
I have listed these quick questions below and there are only 6 key ones. If she is scoring over 50% here maybe you should make the move. Do not wait too long she may think its never going to happen so takes up another offer. If she rates highly on all six, drop everything right now and get over there and ask her NOW.
While the list is a good guide sometimes we let our instincts override the theory. You shouldn’t just ignore your instincts. However having the checklist can help to reign in those instincts where there are warning bells going off every where. It can help you stop repeating those past mistakes. If its your first serious girlfriend make sure she is one worth spending you time with. If she is scoring zero but your instincts are saying yes just be warned.
Flattery gets her everywhere.
When searching for a partner you want someone who builds you up not pulls you down. The greatest feeling on earth is when your partner is helping you to move towards your goals and dreams. Like wise you can help her fulfil hers. When you are online dating and flirting with women you use lots of lines. Well use some of your best lines to keep her knowing you seriously like her and make her feel good.
Is she is always getting you to stop progress towards your dream? Or dragging you down then you really don’t need negative in your life? If your life ambition is to get a high score on angry birds then, hey she should be cool at letting you waste a little time there. If you have a driving ambition to do something that is worthwhile. This means even more worthwhile than scoring high on angry birds, ie a career, climbing Mt Everest or whatever, then seriously if she is not supporting you, is she right for you?
If she is positive and supportive it is not likely because she wants to pull the rug from you. She must be genuinely feeling good about you and your opportunities together. This means she likes you – a whole lot. Someone with the faith in you is great for your mind and sole so grab them when you can and enjoy the journey.
She is cooler than an ice chest full of beer.
You know she is pretty darn cool lady to hang out with. She looks hot and is easy to get along with, she even seems happy to hang out with you and the guys. You just know she is going to fit in well when she comes over to watch those big games with you all. She is already coming along to the game nights and everyone is enjoying her company. So why haven’t you asked her to move the relationship up a notch? You know when you started online dating that was your dream.
One of the biggest parts of cool is whether she treat your mates and family with respect. Do they feel comfortable with her? Does she join in with them and encourage you to continue your relationships with mates and family rather than isolating you? You have to have alone time together but you both have to enjoy each other when in groups as well and hanging out with family of friends is important to test the relationship.
Sharing friends and interests goes along way towards ensuring that she is truly cool and girlfriend material.
Honesty is critical.
Everyone hates being played so honesty is critical in any partnership. You want to know how she is feeling so as issues come up, as they always will, you genuinely know how she is feeling. You don’t want a ‘wow that’s the best birthday present ever’ then next year you buy something similar and she totally trashes your choice saying she ‘hated it the first time, why did you buy that again‘. It is important you have someone who can tell you ‘great effort not my fav thing but hey it’s a nice one off’. Then you know for next time!
A no guessing game relationship makes for an easier life. Sometimes honesty brings a little short term pain. In the long term honesty makes a partnerships a whole lot easier. She shouldn’t be mean but she should be honest.
How she treats your mates and family is a big part of honesty. If she is always turning up in tight fitting, revealing clothes, is it right? Well its really attractive when you meet, but maybe not every time you go out with family or mates. If she is always flirty with the guys going a bit beyond being a ‘mate’ then you should maybe be a bit cautious.
She’s top of mind even when she’s not with you.
One of life’s great unknowns is a thing called ‘chemistry’. It’s what makes you so attracted to a person with no single reason it fact sometimes no apparent reason at all, it just happens. Mindbodygreen.com provides some analysis on ‘chemistry in a relationship’. Some people are scared by it, but it is something you should embrace.
If you are with someone that makes you feel great all the time, even when she is not with you, you are in serious luck. And you didn’t even need to do chemistry at school, you just feel its power.
Most people including me have been there. When you look across a room that is full of people and there is this one girl there who stands out as if she has a spotlight on her. You cannot take your eyes off her. Can be a bit embarrassing when she notices but hey, she has a smile on her face as she looks back at you. You know you just want to be with her, you can she is feeling the chemistry too. Chemistry can also build as you know someone better and better. This article from Phsychologytoday.com discuss the short and long term chemistry.
If this girl is the one that gets your mind racing, whether she is with you or not, then you have to ask why don’t you jump in and close the deal between you. If you can’t help but think about her, make her yours before she gets another guy who is feeling the chemistry to but isn’t afraid to jump in. Its not online dating now with many more women to chat to you seriously want to keep this one. Not interested in chatting to others.
Her exes – no idea about of them.
Lauren Frances author of the Dating, Mating and Manhandling, confirms that women who want to be girlfriends understand the power of keeping the mystery alive. Women know that until you are comfortable with each other and moving into a really relaxed relationship zone where you start to know much more about each other, exes are not a good topic.
Women who have moved on and are really into you do not spend the time telling you about their ex/es. This article in glamour.com discusses why she really needs to move on from her ex and the problems if your potential partner hasn’t. Ideally you do not even know if she has had an ex. It is no big deal if she has or has not. What is important is she is so into you she is not even thinking about her ex or at least that she is so into you that she does not want to risk your relationship by discussing the ex.
I have been on dates when it has been hard to get a word in with my date talking about her Ex. Its not a great experience and no need to try and change this woman, wait till she is over the ex. steer clear. If, excluding the ex issue, she is really nice then tell her you will be happy to meet again when she is over the ex.
The special one.
One way to know she is the one is you do not feel like an obligation. You seriously want to be with her so when you miss an occasional previously regular part of your life you do it because you just want to maximise your time with her. Somehow she is special. The list of all the reasons why she is special is realllllly long. You just can’t quite nail any one reason, there are so many. Other than she seriously just makes you feel great when you are with her or thinking about her. You do not even look at your online dating profile any more to see who has messaged you.
This feels so good you may even think of her as someone you want to go the whole nine yards with. For now though you just need to let her know how good you are feeling and that you want to take the relationship further starting right now.
She is motivated.
You want a woman who has a bit of drive in life. Someone who can be passionate about their life but not so obsessed that she is unwilling to bend her direction in with yours. This can include just how much time you need to spend together if you are in a relationship. Some people want to be together all the time, others need their space. Make sure she has the right balance for you.
Being in the same place is important in a relationship. You have to think about things that are important to you and about how you match on these points. This means thinking about what you like to do and how you like to do it. If one likes travelling 5 star and one camping or doesn’t like travel at all is that a big issue? Is religion important and if yes what religion? Into sport? Then what sports are you both into? Are you more active or like to sit around with a drink and friends? If you can get most of these close or the same then hey you are well on the way to long term relationship. And we haven’t even got to ‘do you both want kids yet’!
Bringing it all together:
Is she girlfriend material? You just need to balance out the pros and cons. If the good things you think and say about her far outweigh the bad then she is in the girlfriend material range. If it is 50/50 then you need to think about what is your main attraction and the downside, and upside, of not having her as a girlfriend.
You do have to consider that maybe those that do fall into the girlfriend material category are not throwing themselves at you. If she does seem special to you and you are getting the vibes that she is into you then you should seize the opportunity. If she loves to hang out at the footy or go bowling and the guys love her you gotta throw yourself full on into it as if she is a real keeper you do not want her to get away.